We five kings of westeros are
bearing arms , we march off to war ,
sound trumpet and horn , from the wall down to Dorne ,
Our omens a firery star

Oh , star of flame, scars day and night
five kings fight for one birthright
all want to own , the iron throne ,
and plot to win with guile and might

these five kings were soon only four,
killed by the shade of a red-headed whore,
the story's told, how the tent it grew cold ,
Renly's left bleeding and dead on the floor,

these four kings were soon down to three,
when balon greyjoy fell in the sea,
in the drowned god's hall , with a push or a fall?
a watery end to his regency

these three kings were soon down to one
both Robert's and Ned's young heirs were soon done
weddings purple and red , they both wound up dead
in the war in which nobody won

Silent knight , unholy knight ,
aerys tore his tongue out in spite,
'round Kings Landing he broods and he scowls,
one look from him it can loosen your bowels
he keeps the kings's justice and peace
by making all traitors deceased

Silent knight , unholy knight ,
no way, is is bark , worse than his bite,
he stole old Ice, from our favourite Stark , Ned
he first took his sword , and he then took his head,
we hope he dies ill and in pain
we're all scared of ser Illyn Payne

while lahzareen watched their flocks by night all seated on the ground,
A khalasar a'horse charged down, hooves flying all around ;
"Oh bugger" they said , their troubled brows, were siezed by mighty dread
"any chance you could kill our wives first please , and rape us guys instead?"

Hodor snores , you're not listening'
'coz in your dreams , your fur is brist'ling
in the woods on the prowl, you hear the pack howl,
warging in a winter wonderland

gone away , are your legs bran,
but when you sleep, you're a wolf-man
you'd rather run with the pack, than on hodor's back,
warging in a winter wonderland

by the wall you meet a man called coldhands
who takes you north to meet the three eyed crow,
"will I walk again?" but he says "No , bran,
and you'll turn into a tree before you go"

when you dream , you are summer,
but when you wake , it's a bummer,
you can't walk , run or dance , but you do get a chance
when warging in a winter wonderland

As a boy you'll never walk the land bran,
you'll never learn to track or hunt or hike,
but it's better as a wolf than as a man bran,
'coz you can shag and shit just where you like,

by the way , you're a cripple ,
but you dream , of meera's nipples
and you wonder a while ,"would she do doggy-style"
while warging in a winter wonderland
and you wonder a while " would she do doggy-style",
warging in a winterwonderland
warging in a winter wonderland

Sandor the canine psycho, has a very ugly face ,
and if you ever saw it, you would know it's his disgrace,
his big giant brother gregor,
used to laugh and call him names ,
he wouldn't let poor sandor , play with any gregor games,
then one fateful winter's eve , Sandor had to play
With Gregor's shiny new toy knight, so he calmly set his face alight
oh how young sandor suffered, the pain it made him scream and shout,
now a man, we know poor sandor , is scarred for life , both in and out

oh the wildlings outside are frightful,
but ygritte is so delightful,
but he don't know just where to go ,
it's jon snow , it's jon snow , it's jon snow

now ygritte she is ripe for muffin'
but she says "jon snow, you know nothing,
take the lord's kiss nice and slow" ,
oh! jon snow! oh! jon snow! oh! jon snow!

now he's munching away on her cleft'
bringing her sweet relief,
but when he finally takes a breath,
he's got ginger pubes in his teeth

now ygritte she's too busy coming,
while he's cleaning out her plumbing,
now he's working that camel toe,
go jon snow! go jon snow! go jon snow!

oh the wildlings outside are frightful ,
but ygritte is not so spiteful,
now it's her turn to blow
go jon snow! blow jon snow! blow your load!
go jon snow! blow jon snow ! blow your load

Bashing their heads in the snow
As many Freys as we can slay
O'er Redgrass Field we go
Slaughtering all the way
Heads on nooses sway
Lead by the Lord of Light
What vengeance she will bring
A Slaying Song tonight

Oh nooses swaying, nooses swaying,
Swaying all the way
Oh, what fun it is to fight
Freys and them slay
Nooses swaying, Nooses Swaying
Nooses all the way,
Oh what fun it is to fight
Freys and them slay

A moon's turn or two ago,
I thought I'd need to hide,
And Soon the Lord of Light
Had turned me to his side,
The Brotherhood was firm and frank,
Misfortune seemed their lot,
We tried to ransom a girl to make bank,
But then she got lost.

Oh nooses swaying, nooses swaying,
Swaying all the way
Oh, what fun it is to fight
Freys and them slay
Nooses swaying, Nooses Swaying
Nooses all the way,
Oh what fun it is to fight
Freys and them slay, yeah

nooses swaying, nooses swaying,
Swaying all the way
Oh, what fun it is to fight
Freys and them slay
Nooses swaying, Nooses Swaying
Nooses all the way,
Oh what fun it is to fight
Freys and them slay, yeah

seven gods roasting on an open fire
ruby glowing at your neck
maester cressen and his creaking hips
lies choking on the deck

shadow babies seeping from your vag
poor old renly bit the dust
but the night ,is dark , and full of terrr's
and you're sure your cause is just

you think stannis is azor ahai
tho' you make his sword shine oh so bright
but you drain his life , as you drain his cock ,
in his bed , most every night

and so I'm offering this simple phrase
to kids from one to ninety-two,
although ,it's been said , many times, many ways,
mellissandre , who are you?